Tell Them Now

Tell Them Now

In leadership, relationships matter more than we often realize. Yet many of us wait too long to express gratitude to the people who have influenced, encouraged, and shaped our lives. Inspired by a conversation with University of Oklahoma Vice President Matt Rom, this reflection explores what he calls the “eulogy problem”—our tendency to say the most meaningful things about people only after they’re gone—and challenges us to tell them now.

A couple of years ago, I had the chance to meet Stacey King.

If you’ve attended one of my talks, you might have heard me tell a story about Stacey. His lesson about being a great teammate was so powerful that I began sharing it with audiences around the country and world. When I finally met him, I made sure to tell him.

Stacey recently passed away, and I’m ever more grateful I had a chance to do that.

Earlier this week, my friend Matt Rom shared a story that perfectly captures why this matters.

▶ Watch the 60-second story:

During our conversation, Matt told me about sitting with a group of colleagues, and they spent nearly an hour talking about someone who had influenced all of them. They shared stories, laughed, and talked about the impact this person had made on their lives.

Then Matt asked a simple question:

“Have any of us ever told him this?”

Silence.

So they picked up the phone at nine o’clock at night. Twenty people gathered around a speakerphone. And one surprised mentor hearing, in real time, what he had meant to the people around that table.

Matt called it the “Eulogy Problem.”

Too often, we wait until someone is gone to tell stories about their kindness, leadership, encouragement, or influence. We deliver beautiful tributes when they can no longer hear them.

But what if we did it now?

Who helped shape your career?

Who believed in you when you needed it?

Who quietly influenced your life without ever knowing it?

Maybe the most meaningful thing you do this week is send a text, make a call, or write a note.

Don’t save the eulogy for later.

Tell them now.